Pretty Morose

Last Tuesday Society

2011-04-26T07:09:00.001-07:00

Last Tuesday Society, a photo by STML on Flickr.

2010-07-03T09:11:00.001-07:00

I only get to see my gran once a year and how I treasure her. Ninety years old and standing at under 5ft I doubt whether she'd get onto all the rides at Disney Land. Her husband has been dead for 50 years and passed away from lung cancer when my mother was just 7. 朝子 regularly tends to his grave (and other neglected grave sites as well) and utters a prayer of thanks to him every morning. I'm not trying to be soppy or melodramatic because frankly, who cares, but the devotion is irrefutable.

She never remarried but worked hard raising 4 children on her own. Being a single mother in post-war Japan was no easy feat especially in such a patriarchal society. It's still ridiculous today so how ridiculous it must have been in the 50s/60s. I've never heard her utter a grimace, say a bad word against anyone or complain. I want to stay close to her for as long as I can. Is it a ridiculous idea taking another gap year and just living in Japanese wilderness where there are actually no white people? Atleast I can get away from disgusting London/England and maybe apply to Oxford/somewhere Romantic far away (I like old libraries okay)? She doesn't have that much time left and I want to make the most of it. Leaving her was the hardest thing i've done in a while. I don't give a shit about hedonism, just my gran.

2010-06-20T23:42:00.000-07:00

I found this question asked on a quintessential tumblr site and found the answer perplexing...thoughts?

? asked: I just randomly came across your tumblr and i've gotta ask, do you find any other type of girl attractive apart from caucasian, skinny and tall? I don't mean this in a rude way or w/e just wonderin'?

nah not rude at all. height is very rarely something that affects my opinion, but in terms of caucasian and skinny you’re probably correct. on the whole, i’ve never really found black or asian girls attractive and i’m pretty skinny myself so i find being with a bigger girl pretty emasculating.

Interesting world view....I honestly don't know whether to applaud him for his honesty or be a bit angry. To me, it's a perfect example of how society's view of what's considered beautiful is ingrained into one's consciousness. thoughts?

Things I hate about Japan...

2010-06-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

Going out in Japan sucks.

Domicile Conjugal

I went to Club le Baron de Paris the other night, well, the Tokyo branch. Le Baron is a chain of clubs owned by Simon Le Bon (I didn't know who he was but turns out he's in Duran Duran...) and my God I wanted to punch every single person there. First of all, everyone on the dancefloor was staring at the DJ the whole night who wasn't even renowned. What's the point of going to a club and staring adoringly at the DJ instead of dancing with friends. Secondly, there was no one in the toilet every-time I stepped foot in the enamel paradise. I'm assuming that no one takes drugs in Japan while out clubbing, kind of explains why everyone resembled a lacklustre Japanese emoticon---->(-_-) It doesn't help that I paid almost 20 quid to get in and my friend who was randomly there kept rubbing in my face how she got in for free due to ~connections~ -_-

I met a 20 something English guy who was from Swindon. I spoke briefly to him mostly because I wanted to sit down at his table as there were no seats left where the "peasants" who had no connections (i.e. me) would sit. You see, if you've never been there before Le Baron is a rather odious club where status is EVERYTHING and you can't reserve a seat unless you brown nose. The English guy I spoke to is what I imagine an English monarch prior to the English Civil War to act like. His air of self-importance was terrifying. I asked him what he did for a living and apparently he introduces Asian bands to America/Canada and the like. urm, no thanks and more importantly DEAR GOD WHY. I have limited knowledge of asian bands (for good reason) but name-dropped a couple of bands I knew and every band I spoke of he seemed to have organised some sort of party for/introduced them to a newly godforsaken country. "Like, just last week I organised a party on behalf of MTV for 2NE1". Don't get me wrong, what he does is respectable but the way he sounded so damn gleeful/pompous aggravated me. I suppose Japan does that to white men.

This brings me on to another thing I hate about Japanese nightlife; the self-important attitude of western men. I've spoken to far too many westerners who show off about how easy it is to sleep with a different Japanese girl every night. You see, westerners although not strictly rare in Japan are still a bit of a novel commodity and thus are considered somewhat "exotic". However, some men are taking advantage of the situation and are being far too hedonistic and disrespectful to usually well-meaning Japanese girls. I just want to tell Japanese girls that they should be careful if they are looking for a meaningful relationship with mutual respect. If not, fuck away but definitely use a condom.

This is an open letter...

2010-06-20T22:04:00.000-07:00

to whomever puts the electronic bidet settings in my share house's toilet onto the highest water pressure every morning. I'm groggy, probably only had 3 hours of sleep and do not want to be awoken by such a means. What at first I found a novel luxury has turned into my worst nightmare.

Pirikura Pika Pikaa

2010-06-05T12:41:00.000-07:00

SHIT JUST GOT META:

This is my French friend Kambiz. He works for the French Embassy or something and is some kind of Sailor. Is the Camera Obscura "French Navy" song biting me in the ass? Hanging out with French Boys in Japan seems a little incongruous but he's jolly and rather weird which I totally dig. Does help that he has a gorgeous flat in Paris which I am going to frequent in the summer while I try to find A.P.C bargains. Now to just get rid of his girlfriend...

You scare me

2010-05-06T08:05:00.000-07:00

when driving, phone thumbing

dropping the fucker in between the pedals

the oncoming metal, the green Nissan hue.

We sigh and tumble onto the gravel

a crunch made from two.

My makeup, flesh, bone become a layered sponge

caked onto the smoking, paw printed pavement

and the peel which comes

causes me to shriek 'till tomorrow.

You stare, glazed

stricken maybe, but please,

just don’t.

Sometimes, I write bloody awful poetry after watching mind-numbingly terrifying PSA's. Dont text and drive kids. Unless, you're voting Tory (jk).

I'm too twee

2010-04-23T07:18:00.000-07:00

Opening Ceremony, Shibuya

2010-04-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

As you may have noticed (probably not as there are so many far more interesting things whizzing around the internet) I have been away for a while. To surmise, I have been in Australia for 2 months with a friend, attempting to fulfil our hedonistic fantasies which mostly comprised of lazing on a beach being served Pina Coladas by tuxedo clad monkeys (this never materialised). In contrast, we nearly became marooned on a desert island (more on this another day...)

I am now in Japan for 3 months, attempting to regain my proficiency of the Japanese language. I have just this day moved into my share house which is jammed packed like a Japanese commuter train. Luckily, everyone is lovely and they were kind enough to take me to a park today for a spot of 花見. 花見 (hanami) consists of lazing around in the park with your friends under cherry blossoms with some sake and often music.

Living in the middle of Tokyo has its advantages and here is just one of them...

The serenity of the OC store was a world away from the debauchery at home:

The man (I use this term loosely..not that he could be classified as a woman...how about a juvenile chimp who aint got shit on Curious George) clearly did not realise that East London does not equate to Reading Festival. Oh and apologies in regards to my rather lacklustre pictures. I haven't been able to use my SLR in a long time as I seem to have been lumbered with a defective one. I only just managed to resurrect it from the dead and have pretty much forgotten how to use it. I'm sure that during my three month stay in Japan I will hone my photographic skills. If not, shame on me.

All in the golden afternoon

2010-02-06T17:03:00.000-08:00

Below are scans from my 1957 "Girl Annual", explaining the different symbolic meanings an offering of flowers may have (click for a larger view). My favourite is the wallflower which apparently assures a friend: "I will stick by you through thick and thin" and the white clover which asks the receiver to 'think of me". So next time you give a loved one a bouquet, think carefully...

Eastbourne

2010-02-06T09:41:00.000-08:00

Eastbourne is probably the place where I was happiest during the summer. A group of friends and I stayed in a holiday apartment, gossiping through the night with cigarettes suspended between our lips. We had reached a parting point; each one of us were to leave the safe haven/routine of school and enter the world as supposedly fully fledged women. A daunting prospect made better by each other's company and the sea. The sea manages to trivialise everything else with its grandeur and sonorous waves.

We might be changing, but nothing else is.

(Photographs taken on my Holga 35mm)

I have measured out my life in coffee spoons

2010-02-06T08:15:00.000-08:00

If you can't tell already, I absolutely love whimsical and floaty attire and this promotional video for Vanessa Bruno's Spring/Summer '10 collection happens to encapsulate all my ♥s

Found

2010-01-27T02:01:00.000-08:00

On my way to work today at about 8.30am I found a photograph on the pavement. My first instinct was to grab it so it wouldn't get blown away. The lack of sheen, the lady's hair style and the uncomfortable looking sofa makes me think this photo isn't a recent one...I would like to reunite it with the owner as I can see how this could be of huge sentimental value to a certain someone. For instance, when my grandad passed away and we emptied out his house my father become alarmingly protective over his childhood photographs. We weren't even allowed to stop for food on the motorway in case someone broke into our car and drove away with his photos. Slightly irrational but understandable? Maybe.

I made this pseudo poster, and stuck it onto a pillar near where I found the photograph (somewhere off Fleet Street, London). I felt so flustered putting it up as I was surrounded by bewildered business men and ladies all staring at my ridiculous antics. I really wish my handwriting was less child-like and that I was subjected to rigorous handwriting classes like the ones they had in the Victorian era. Here's hoping someone emails me soon or I'll have to put up even more posters which will be pretty embarrassing. Sometimes, I think I need to be more apathetic and less flakey. ah well.

Innocence in film

2010-01-25T05:45:00.000-08:00

(River Phoenix in his pre-Viper Room days...Stand by Me 1986)

Innocence in film

As we live out our hectic lives it is all too easy to forget that we are changing, picking up traits and moulding ourselves into completely different people. Indeed, it can be argued that at every different stage of our lives we succumb to a new era where we step out of a past shell due to the experiences we have gained. No-one depicts this transition and human evolution in a more aesthetically pleasing manner than film-makers who are seemingly transfixed by the notion of innocence and the transient nature of childhood. A sense of nostalgia is often incorporated into the films of such directors as Sofia Coppola, Rob Reiner and Bernardo Bertolucci.

Some elements of Jordan Scott's 2009 film "Cracks" and Rob Reiner's coming of age saga "Stand by Me" adhere to the idea of an idealised childhood. The rose-tinted settings, romantic delusions and the sense of companionship is often overbearing, arguably, even saccharine. Take for instance the four boy's unwavering devotion to each other in "Stand by Me" which seems unrealistic considering the often fickle nature of children. Furthermore, the midnight feasts, floaty dresses and a penchant for ribbons almost seems like a cliched and distorted vision of childhood in "Cracks". However, it soon becomes obvious that things are not quite what they seem due to an undercurrent of gloom which is prevalent in both films. Indeed, both Jordan Scott and Rob Reiner encourage a facade of innocence which is constructed solely to be destroyed as the film progresses. While jealously twists the girls into grotesque caricatures of themselves in "Cracks", curiosity and the perils it brings leads to stark realisation for the boys in "Stand by Me".

A film which differs greatly from the aforementioned but still manages to convey similar messages of progression through childhood is Lucile Hadzihalilovic's 2004 film "Innocence". Instead of relying solely on dialogue or a rich plot the entire film can be perceived as an allegory for childhood. A plethora of metaphors are used to convey lost innocence and purity; references to water are rife throughout while a train journey the protagonists undertake may have been used to symbolise their transition from pre-teen nymphs to adolescents. The plot focuses on six year old Iris's metamorphosis while at an isolated and regimental boarding school and the quandaries she faces while she comes to understand her surroundings. Set in ethereal woodland, a sense of claustrophobia, magical realism and melancholia is maintained throughout the film channeling the audience's own feelings of confusion.

What these directors have in common is the auspicious endings to their films. Di played by Juno Temple in "Cracks" is finally able to push aside desire and rule with her head. Similarly, Gordie in "Stand by Me" gains the courage to pursue his own dreams instead of following in his dead brother's footsteps. Thus, it can be argued that some film makers ultimately try to convey the positive message that as we reach a new era in our lives we become stronger and emotionally resilient.

[This is a piece I did for my friend's brandspankinglynewbiannualonlinemagazineRibbed launching on the 30th January. The theme is 'a new era'. I wrote the first paragraph, forgot about it and rush wrote it at 3am so it's pretty bad (tsk tsk, excuses excuses). I'm not sure if it's going to be included as I submitted it to her today so I thought i'd share it here.]

The Journal of Sartorial Matters

2010-01-06T04:00:00.000-08:00

It's easy to become disillusioned with the fashion world. Indeed, the multitude of blogs spewing a constant stream of manicured homogeneous dribble for the sole purpose of self-promotion leaves one disheartened. Even the recent furore over the size 0 vs plus size debate which had the potential of changing the fashion industry for the better have done little to raise the self-esteem of millions of women. Surely the sole reason of fashion is to make you feel beautiful and not ostracised, self-conscious and beguiled?

Vestoj journal is quite different from anything else currently available. The idea of inclusion is best embodied in point 5 of their manifesto -"The tone must be inviting. We must never be excluding in language or approach." I must admit, the somewhat hypocritical reason of why I picked up Vestoj in Selfridges was its aesthetically pleasing cover (marble print, I'll have you know!). However, the first issue's subject matter of 'Material Memories' is intelligent and thought-provoking dealing with the themes of death, nostalgia and history.

Anyway, if you're interested in a unique look at fashion interspersed with beautiful editorials and photography please give Vestoj a try.

The lore of the unicorn

2010-01-03T16:39:00.000-08:00

Oh quaint Oxford with your dreamy spires and buffoons dressed head to toe in Jack Wills. How you must miss the bygone eras. This time last year my class visited the city for an "English/History conference" and while there I tried to satiate my penchant for shopping. Me and my friends stumbled across (okay, more like casually walked past) a vintage shop named "Unicorn" which looked absolutely amazing from the outside. However, like a lot of things in life, it sadly turned out this place was too good to be true. While the outside was full of promise the inside looked like a total hovel with piles of dusty clothes left in towering piles taller than my 5ft 2 self. On top of that, the sales lady was extremely unhelpful and rude hinting that I probably could not afford any of her wares. Sadly, there were no other vintage shops to visit but the tatty exterior still emanates a sense of old world beauty (imo).

The last picture was taken from the window where I was staying (Hertford College) at 2am (oohh rebel). I had this huge room all to myself and I was convinced it was haunted by Lord Byron's ghost (a bit too much Most Haunted maybe). All photos taken on my dad's Canon AE-1.

'Olga

2009-12-30T07:34:00.000-08:00

A few Holga snaps I took last summer, try to guess where they were taken....

Munich! Even though I went early this year I still remember the city quite clearly. Here are my top 3 places to go...

1. Hofbräuhaus beer hall, it was like a British pub but a hundred times louder, a hundred times bigger and a hundred times more thrilling with the added bonus of a brass band clad in Lederhosen serenading the tipsy tourists.

2. Englischer Garten (The English Garden), A perfect place to while away the hours. Consisting of several areas to bathe and drink more beer (surprise surprise). Even though the Chinese tower looks tacky (anything Asian out of Asia always is) you can get enormous pretzels nearby the size of your head - perfect for a quick Brunch or something to soak up the beer.

3. Dachau concentration camp. Not a conventional holiday destination, but to prevent the repetition of history, one must respect the past (I wish I could express those sentiments in a less cheesy and cliched manner while still being sincere). Dachau is very ordered, very white and very peaceful, a world away from the chaos which awaited the multitude of political prisoners who met their demise here. A very humbling experience.

The most important thing in life is desire

2009-12-27T17:15:00.000-08:00

A somewhat pallid yet beautiful film, “Cracks” portrays an ethereal middle class world the 21st century can only fantasise about. Set in a British boarding school in the 1920s it can be argued that the often compelling cinematography compensates for the somewhat disappointing storyline. Indeed, “Cracks” is highly redolent of the 2004 French film “Innocence” where dialogue is often replaced by captivating scenery and metaphor.

Based loosely on Sheila Kohler’s novel of the same name “Cracks” perplexes and stands out amongst generic Hollywood trollop. Di (Juno Temple) is queen bee of the diving team and also hankers after the affections of Miss G (Eva Green). After being unwillingly ousted by Fiamma (Maria Valverde) Di decides to enact revenge. Although the story line is adequate and piques interest, the film’s lack of character development leads to a confusing denouement. Furthermore, the main enigma Miss G, is frustratingly never truly understood and her austerity remains unravelled.

Disappointingly, Jordan Scott’s debut will not be the commercial success it deserves to be. Only showing in limited cinemas many will have to wait for the DVD release but it will definitely be worth a buy. Eva Green, Juno Temple and María Valverde are three beautiful and talented actresses who can only rise in popularity (especially the latter two). Oh and Miss G wears some fabulous outfits.